Real. People.

A lot of times I don't what to do what I'm doing which is usually sitting in front of my computer thinking about studying. I'll look for anything good besides what Im supposed to be learning. I always look for someones awesome new status update or a new blog post by someone who hasn't updated their blog in 6 months but for some reason I still check them every day. What do we do that? Do I really want to know just anything new about the people I care about? I do. It gives me life to hear about the people I care about. I really like people a lot. I have been able to be close to some of the most amazing people. People who have shaped my character for what it really is. People who I think about every day. People I dream about 2 nights in a row because they are impressive.
There are many people that shape us. I will name a few that have had a great impact on my life and a few others that I will not name because even though Im the only one that reads this blog I wouldn't want them to feel embarrassed in any way.

1. Mom and Dad. (2 people I love very much who have loved me very much in different ways.) My parents are who I look back to when I feel lost and life shakes me up. They give me focus I need to push forward. They help me remember where I came from and who I am. We are very similar in many ways.

2. Mission President. (Ron Dalene.) The lesson this man has taught me most of all is that of unconditional love. At times I wondered how he was patient with some that caused grief or frustration in the work or how he forgave so freely. One time with light tears in his eyes he told me "if I don't love them who will?" He was right. He didn't say it as if it were a burden but with gladness and sincerity that those people that cause grief day after day were loved by him very much. He's a true follower of Christ and I hope I can honor him by loving like he loves someday.

In recent year(s), others have made a similar impact on my life. Impressions of forgiveness and love towards me and/or towards others around me. I realize that I have caused a lot of grief and pain in the lives of some and at times that haunts me but I won't let it get me down. I won't grow jaded because of my imperfections or the imperfections of others. I also know that I have been a cause for much good in the lives of many people. I know that somehow I have been able to be a blessing to those around me only through strength and guidance given to me by God. I have been so blessed to have the trust of some of my dearest friends. I feel blessed that someone struggling with suicidal thoughts or the anxiety that comes with their same sex attraction would trust me enough to tell me that. I hope to respect those people for their trust in sharing such intimate parts of their life with me. I care about them and think about them very much because they are important to me. I want to be an unwavering friend to them.

I don't want to be a bottom feeder and suck all the life and joy out of people to raise myself up like we've all seen done. Maybe even in ourselves at times. Talk with another human being alone and ask them about their life and listen to them intently as if they are the most important person in your life and they will know you care. You will care as you give them that respect. The moments I cherish most with people are when Im able to talk to them one on one and know when they feel I am sincere with them. I love when people look me in the eyes without shielding themselves inside because they feel I am their friend. I want to tell everyone Lift up your heads and help someone feel they are valued sincerely by at least you. Look people in the eye and tell them they are good. That is enough.

Summer Time

I cant even begin to express how much fun I have been having this summer. It has been amazing! Every summer for the past 6 years I haven't really had a summer break. Its been just work work work which has been good. Rather than making lots of money this summer I decided to make lots of memories with people around me and build some great relationships. Here are a couple things that have made this summer AMAZING just this past month:

1. Canyoneering Spry Canyon in Zions National Park (amazing company). If you've never been to Zions you need to. It's a paradise!

2. Rock climbing about every day with my homies!

3. Kayaking the Provo River with some new friends! Just a little side note. The provo river is usually running about 350 CFS (cubic feet per second) and is currently around 1300 CFS! I mean come on! I rode it about a week ago from Bridal Veil Falls down to the mouth of the canyon! COLD! FUN!

(Photo courtesy of James Roh from the Daily Herald.)

4. Playing shows with my band/roomies  They're top notch dudes. We've been able to play at Muse, Whysound in Logan, our own lil mic nights, and we just got into battle of the bands at Velour so come check out the bands June 13-18. We are going to be playing Thursday night so come check it out!

5. Busking with my roomies in SLC. I can't explain how fun it is to play music for people outside on the street. It's a ball!

People and relationships are always more important than money and things and this summer has been such a blessing to my life and has helped me really get to know those around me and has helped me build some everlasting memories with my friends before I leave Provo in August.

Quarter Life Crisis

Do you ever feel like you're about to burst out of your body because.... who knows why? Nothing anatomical.  You just want to get away and breathe the air alone. I think Eef Barzelay said it best when he said, "You make me want to break something beautiful."I know what you mean Eef. I really do. Read these lyrics:

You make me wanna soak it in gasoline,
stain my new shirt.
You make me wanna sip lysol from a cup. So clean it hurts.
You make me wanna break something beautiful.

Is it okay for me not to want to make that much money this summer as much as I'm expected to? I want to be occupied and have a fulfilling day but right now I honestly don't care to make tons of money. I wouldn't mind selling ice cream to people right now as I rode a bicycle around. $10/day selling ice cream. I'd like to do that for about a day.

Call it a quarter life crisis but in august Im going to podiatry school which will last 4 years. After that I will always work as a podiatrist. Now is the last time in my life I will ever have a job thats not being a podiatrist. Why not sell ice cream for a day? I am serious. I just decided if you are attending a parade around here this summer, you will see me pulling a cooler on my bike and I will be giving out otter pops for 25 cents. I will pay you 25 cents to take an otter pop. Please let me

Cancer Time

I write this from a hotel bed in Orlando Florida far from home. Today I attended the 1st day of the 102nd annual conference of the American Association for Cancer Research. Just imagine a Guns n Roses concert thats sold out but really everyone there is geeking out about the latest studies on macrophages or thymadine kinase. The biggest insight I've gained from this trip down here is how important it is to just do what you love and do it well. If you love to research, research your freakin face off and if you love to barbecue chicken then you might as well be Cornell Sanders. I'm so blown away by all these geniuses. I feel very humbled to see these veterans in their field they know so well and that I am just being introduced to. A man in his time plays man parts.

Science is Awesome

I feel the need to proclaim my joy and pain that science brings into my life. I have never been so happy to find a missing reducing agent in my entire life... that I can remember. Dithiothreitol, where have you been for the last 3 grievous months of my life?!!!? Don't worry, I don't have a chemical imbalance...maybe I do... who knows. You see, I am doing some cancer research in a lab at BYU right now and I'm wrapping up some results on some experiments I'm working on. Could I be any more vague? Nondisclosure agreement type o business. Sorry. For the last three months I've been running into a little problem with my research and I haven't been able to figure out what was going on. Today Dithiothreitol saved the day. The missing ingredient. Really, it was right under my nose. I guess I just wasn't asking the right people or looking in the right spot.
I think I cause myself more grief and frustration from trying to do something all by myself. It's as if I am eating lunch with Neil Armstrong and I don't even ask him if the moon is made out of green cheese. Dr. Seuss said, "Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers." Amen.

I'm impressed today by a thought my father once shared with me when I was about 13 years old. It didn't make a lick of sense to me then. My parents decided to go to Cancun for a week or so. When they got back they told us stories of the iguanas, mangos, snorkels, the fish, the ancient ruins, the people etc... It was so exciting to hear them talk about their exciting adventures. I remember my dad said he was glad to be back into his routine of things. I thought he was crazy. Why would he ever want to leave cancun? Why didn't he want to stay a month or a year at least? I think I understand just a little bit better now.       Maybe it just has to do with the fact that I'm my fathers son but I think there's a principle behind it. I just had my three day weekend and it was very nice to relax and change the pace of things for just a little bit but yesterday (Monday) I really wanted to go back to school for some odd reason. I wanted my routine that I could count on as hum drum as that sounds.
A lot of really weird things happened this weekend; some good, some bad. I definitely felt out of my element for some reason. Maybe wanting a routine is a sign of getting old and boring. I hope not. Today I went to school all day and had such a fulfilling day. I feel so good about all the things I accomplished today. I set a couple goals in the morning and was able to accomplish them. I think the reason I feel so positively about my routine is because I love to be busy and occupied. I love to have my mind working or building something or solving a problem.
 I think the #1 cause of stress is unresolved conflicts. I didn't do very well on a test last week in anatomy for some reason and it's been haunting me for the last couple days. Today I made a couple goals to do better in that class, I worked towards those goals and I will continue to do so. I no longer feel stressed about that conflict because I know I am solving the problem. I don't expect this to be interesting to anyone but I'm just sayin.

Forgive and Forget

     I am impressed by the feelings we as humans sometimes have of hate or bitterness. Sometimes we feel we have been taken advantage of or cheated and have been mercilessly misunderstood in our innocence. Perhaps this is the case. I once had a dear friend, that I still consider a dear friend, say to me, "you probably hate me." I was taken back. I didn't know what to say. I  don't hate this person and I never did. My feelings might have been hurt a little but I don't wish to debase that persons value with callused feelings of animosity.
     Each of us have had at least someone do us wrong to one degree or another. Many of our lives have been permanently effected by the wrongs others have done to us or to those close to us. Many of those wounds run deep. I am not trying to be a counselor or give advice on how I am some perfect example of forgiveness because I am not but if your losing sleep at night thinking someone is always going to be angry at you because you ate a piece of their toast without asking, move on with your life because they probably did. Even if they didn't we can't hinder or delay the growth of our relationships with feelings of doubt or what ifs. We need to move boldly in a direction we interpret to be good even if we don't completely understand each step along the way. Is that not faith? Isn't forgiveness a fruit of faith?
     Hate is such a strong and hurtful word. It is overused. It does not help anyone. It only destroys. When I was about 19 years old I was getting ready to leave to Bolivia for two years to serve a mission for the LDS church, of which I am a member, and my father shared an idea with me that has impacted my life greatly. He said, "people and relationships are always more important than money or things." What could be more important? What could hold more everlasting value? I hope that someday people will say of me, "Jake always put people first." I have a ways to go. A very long way to go. Please help me and help yourself by forgiving someone today. Put away with hate and animosity and anger. Love others. Is this not why we were born? "And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you." (1 Thessalonians 3:12)